my beautiful daughter

I took Nikieshia to get her pictures done tonight and man it took forever at Sears but so worth it. I have put one of her favorites and mine on the blog. Man I can not believe how fast they grow up. I was remembering the last time I took her to sears alone to get pictures and she was a tiny baby now she is a beautiful young lady. The lady taking the pictures asked her if she had a boyfriend and she blushed and said yes, it was the cutest smile and picture because she snapped it just as she smiled sadly she turned her head so we didn't keep that picture. She started young womens this past month and is now allowed to wear makeup. i have decided I don't like that. she looks too old and too pretty I am not ready for my little girl to grow up.
As I told you last time Dan and I were celebrating our anniversary. We had a great time. We got most of our christmas shopping done I am glad for that but now I have to find a reason to go shopping through out the month of dec. Seeing as how I love christmas shopping. I wonder if they will have any good sales the day after thanksgiving. Sadly Price doesn't have that great of a selection of stores but we shall see what the day brings. I sure hope to see most of you at mom's that weekend if not have a great time without us.

Christmas Spirit

christmas Is coming and I am so excited. Tomorrow Dan and I are going to do some christmas shopping. it is a tradition that is what we do for our anniversary. I have already gotten out my forgotten Carols CD and have been playing it all week. I am tempted to get the movie out as well. but think my family would think me crazy for starting it so early. The season seems so short when it finally arrives that I have taken it upon myself to start it early and get in the spirit. There is a special spirit that comes with christmas and people seem so much kinder with each other. I love that. Plus I love the music and the decorations. No I have not broken out the decorations yet I wait the the first day of Dec for that. Anyway I am looking forward to shopping tomorrow.
I just wanted to make a little mention of my last blog and thank all those who let me know they were supporting me through this. It means the world to me to know I have such a wonderful family and great friends who are not judgemental and understanding. I look forward to seeing you all very soon.
So get yourselves in the christmas spirit and enjoy the holiday season. And please remember the reason for the season.

torn between two options

So last time I guess I left you hanging on whether or not I would fill you in on my secret. I had ultimately decided I would keep it to myself until I read a comment posted by Carri. Now I am torn between what I should do. I don't want people to think that I am being selfish in keeping this to myself but am worried about what you will think of me. I guess I should just come right out and say it out loud in writing. As you have all noticed I have lost a little bit of weight, well the reason behind it is I have an eatting disorder. I am anorexic and bulimic. yes you can be both. Don't ask me why I have resorted to something so stupid because I don't really think I could give you an answer. I have been working on and and have made some progress. the good side of it is that I am no longer the fat one of the family, or the one who everyone worries about on hikes that I will have a heart attack. as for being in shape I am not that. I have been trying to do better on that end but it is harder than the path I have chosen. My family and my kids know about this but do not know the seriousness of the problem. Dan has been trying his hardest to help me and you would all be so proud of him for his efforts. So anyway I feel like I am just jabbering so I will let you all absorb my honesty and think of me how you may. I just hope that you don't judge me for bad decisions. remember I love you all no matter what. so have a good day and I hope to hear from you soon.

what weekend

what has happened to this weekend? i spent the day doing hair for a wedding and then attended the wedding, came home and crashed. I woke up and the whole day was gone. what happened to my weekend. Sunday is my day for relaxing before starting the week again but now I get to do laundry and clean up the mess the kids made today while i was gone. I am so looking forward to next weekend. Dan and I are spending the weekend together for our anniversary. We are staying at a motel on the other side of town and spending the day christmas shopping and just getting back to basics and spending time with each other that seems few and far between lately. Somedays I wonder how everyone does this on their own without someone else to hold your hand. I am so thankful that I have someone to hold my hand. The kids are great as long as they have a football and someone to watch them. i can do that part as long as they don't expect me to play too often.
I do have something to tell everyone out there but don't know if I am ready to admit this out loud to the world. I am told that it will help me but I don't want your sympathy or pity or anyone looking down on me. I am going to have to put somemore thinking into this before I actually post it but I hope to be able to let you all in on my horrible secret. Now don't let your mind start to wander on the worst thing possible but it is definately something I am fighting, with. Maybe next time I post. Most of you may already know what I am talking about and just have kept it to yourself. so until next time. me and the family are signing off